Alright, gather 'round, wasteland wanderers! Let me tell you about the time I accidentally turned the Mojave Desert into my own personal rave… all thanks to one little quest in Fallout: New Vegas. We're talking about "I Put A Spell On You," a quest that starts with some disgruntled NCR soldiers, ends with massive amounts of hallucinogens, and might just leave you questioning your own sanity (in a good way, mostly).
So, there I was, Courier Six, fresh out of my grave (thanks, Benny!) and looking for a purpose. My usual purpose, of course, being to amass as much bottle caps as humanly possible. Naturally, my travels led me to Camp McCarran, a place that smells faintly of stale cigarettes and unfulfilled potential. That's where I stumbled upon Lieutenant Boyd, a woman who looks like she hasn't slept in weeks (understandable, considering the Mojave's nightlife... if you count deathclaws as nightlife).
Boyd, bless her overworked heart, suspected that someone was messing with the troops. Not just messing, like hiding their boots. Oh no. We're talking full-blown psychedelic shenanigans. Soldiers seeing things, getting sick, acting generally weirder than the usual wasteland denizen. My first thought? "Score! A mystery! And probably bottle caps!"
The Case of the Tripping Troopers
The quest is basically a wasteland detective story. You have to snoop around, talk to twitchy soldiers, and examine suspiciously colorful plants. Think Sherlock Holmes, but with more radiation poisoning and a higher probability of being eaten by cazadores. My investigation skills, honed by years of opening locked doors with bobby pins, quickly led me to one very important clue: strange berries.
These weren't your average, everyday, "might-give-you-a-stomachache" berries. Oh no. These were clearly the source of the hallucinating hilarity. My next stop? Vault 3. Why Vault 3? Because that's where the quest pointed me, and honestly, I'm just a glorified mailman with a gun.
Inside Vault 3, former home to the Fiends (a charming bunch who make raiders look like tea party enthusiasts), I found what I was looking for: a laboratory. And in that laboratory, I found Jack. Jack, the vault's former doctor. Jack, the guy who apparently decided that the best way to treat radiation sickness was to induce mass psychosis. Genius!
The Hallucinogen Hustle
Jack, it turns out, was using these berries to create a super-potent hallucinogen, which he was then slipping into the NCR's water supply. His reasoning? Something about making the troops more "peaceful." Yeah, because a bunch of soldiers seeing pink elephants are totally going to be effective at fighting Legionaries. Right.
Now, here's where the quest gets fun. You have options! You can rat out Jack to the NCR (boring!), you can help him perfect his recipe (tempting!), or you can just straight-up kill him and be done with it (always an option in the Mojave!). I, being the chaotic-neutral Courier I am, decided to... experiment. With science!
I helped Jack "improve" his formula. What does that mean? It means I added a bunch of random ingredients I found lying around. Antivenom? Sure! Mentats? Why not! RadAway? It's got electrolytes! The result? A hallucinogen so potent, it would make Timothy Leary blush. Seriously, the side effects included everything from uncontrollable laughter to spontaneous combustion (okay, I'm exaggerating, but it was bad).
Then came the best part: testing it. I used myself as a guinea pig. Why? Because science! And because I'm a complete moron. The screen warped, colors exploded, and I'm pretty sure I had a philosophical conversation with a cactus. Good times.
The Rave Review
The quest concludes with you deciding what to do with your newfound knowledge (and potentially scrambled brain). You can sabotage Jack's operation, help him spread his hallucinogen far and wide, or just turn him in. Me? I played all the angles. I got paid by the NCR, I helped Jack just enough to get him off my back, and I kept a few samples of the super-hallucinogen for... research purposes.
“I Put A Spell On You” isn't just a quest; it's a microcosm of New Vegas itself. It's quirky, morally ambiguous, and incredibly entertaining. Plus, it's a reminder that sometimes, the best way to deal with the horrors of the wasteland is to embrace the absurdity and maybe, just maybe, see a few pink elephants along the way. Just don't tell the NCR. They wouldn't understand.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I hear a cactus calling my name...
